Divorce

Divorce plagues modern day America. My family has succumbed to it as well as many other families. This has become a popular activity and modern society views this as a norm. Society says that this is perfectly acceptable because the relationship you have with your spouse was not working and you have the right to break away from this binding agreement and “go fishing” for another spouse of some sort. My focus is to share some reasons for divorce in a marriage modernly, the effects it has on the children and spouses of the divorce, and to examine what God says about divorce.

My Experience

When I was five years old, my parents split. I honestly was really young and didn’t understand the magnitude of the situation. My parents split because they had too many arguments. I can remember while in kindergarden, seeing the guidance counselor once a week to make sure nothing was wrong with me. Sometimes after school my mom even took me and my sister both to a child psychologist. I didn’t know why they wanted to talk to me, all I cared about was getting out of class, eating candy, and playing with the toys they had. I don’t know how my sister viewed this but she was younger and who knows how it affected her. You see it affects everyone differently. I remember talking with a guy when his parents divorced when he was seventeen. It was tearing him up inside. He, like a lot of children when their parents divorce later in life, felt as if it was his fault. He didn’t know how to react and who to support. It was like he had to choose sides between his parents. What a tough circumstance it was for him.

But what about the parents? Talking to my dad about the subject has gotten easier over the years. He still believes it was the best decision for them as well as my sister and I. The hardest part for him was not being able to be around his kids as much. He still loved my mom and still does, just not the kind of love a man or woman should have for their spouse. I remember the stories my dad has told me about working long nights to pay his child support. This divorce hurt him so bad, he was contemplating suicide. He remembers driving down the interstate thinking he could easily turn his truck into the overpass bridge and end the pain he had. But he pulled his wallet out and looked at the picture of his children and prayed to God. God worked in him that night to make hime into the man he his today. My mom on the other hand, still has anger towards the situation that was their marriage at one point. I do have to say they both have moved on to their current spouses and seem happy.

My point is this, divorce has a tremendous affect on all parties that are involved. It is painful and damaging to everyone who encounters this. But why has divorce entered the lives of so many present-day Americans? Why has divorce become a norm?

Reasons for Divorce

There are many reasons for divorce nowadays. There were many reasons for divorce in the past as well. Some reasons seem reasonable and some seem quite ridiculous. According to instituefda.com, here are the reasons for divorce in America as of 2013:

Basic incompatibility- 43%

Infidelity- 28%

Money issues- 22%

Emotional/physical abuse- 5.8%

Arguments- 0.5%

Addiction/alcoholism- 0.5%

The one thing that really catches my eye is the most common reason for divorce, incompatibility. This makes me shake my head because it makes me wonder why this is the leading cause. Is it because Americans don’t know how to date? Or do we put more into dating than we do marriage? Is it because we are making marriage different than what it was originally intended for? What could it be?

I personally believe its all of the above. I believe we as Americans are don’t know the actual concept of dating, put more emphasis of the physical aspect of dating than the spiritual and emotional aspect, premarital sex has ravaged relationships taking away one of the significant parts of marriage that God intended, and have gone away of how serious marriage really is in the sight of God.

First off let me say marriage is far more than the sex part. It signifies a promise before God to resemble the love God has for us through the love we have for our spouse. Marriage originated to show this love God has for us between a man and a woman. God also gave marriage something special that made other relationships come nowhere close to it. Sex. Sex is meant for 1. procreation and 2. glorifying God. Premarital sex destroys a marriage.

I also believe Americans don’t know how to date. Dating is feeling out if the person is a suitable spouse. We should go into the dating relationship looking for marriage. Dating is not just to have fun with a person. Dating is not just have sex with someone because you can. Dating is serious business.

Finally for you Christian couples thinking of marriage. Wait. Don’t rush into it. This is where the incompatibility reason comes into play. Just because he is great Christian man doesn’t mean you should marry him, although it is important that he is a Christian. Actually give time and date the person to figure what they like and dislike and whether or not you live with their flaws.

To conclude, I believe divorce has become so common because falling away from what true marriage is has become common. But what is true marriage?

What does God say?

If you haven’t really paid attention to anything I have written, please focus on this section intensely. Now we find out what God thinks and intended for marriage and what he says about divorce.

Marriage:

Well first off, marriage is between a man and a woman. This is evident in Genesis 2:22-24. God clearly says in verse 24 that “a man will leave his father and mother and will be united with his wife, and they will become one flesh.” God’s intentions for this were because he did not want man to become lonely, so he created the woman to accompany him. Once they are together married, they have become one in soul and mind. This is to make life better for both. Secondly God gives a command to the couple in Genesis 1:28. He tells them to “be fruitful and increase in number.” This is a command to have children. This answers the question of homosexual marriage twofold. Man and woman can only be connected spiritually together and only man and woman can be fruitful and bear children naturally.

Divorce:

Divorce was not in the plans. But because of sin, there are only two reasons for divorce. One reason can be found in Matthew 19:9 when it reads, “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery,” the other is from abandonment. This completely takes away almost 3/4 of the reasons Americans divorce today. Now I do say that physical and emotional abuse are reasons as well, but they are biblically stated that this reason for divorce. However, 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 does allow the woman to leave her husband. But, remarriage is not an option once she has left. The only options are either to live single, or to reconcile her husband and return to her husband hopefully after God has transformed her husbands heart.

My Final Words

Marriage is serious. Divorce is not in any way what God wants. Marriage is meant fora lifetime. Divorce is an easy way out of a challenging and difficult part in a marriage. We must return to what marriage originally meant and take it as serious as God takes it serious. We also need to make dating serious. This all starts with parents now. Teaching our kids the right way to date is of vital importance for future relationships. Divorce is hard subject to talk about. Divorce is also hard for everyone involve. Those challenges in marriage are easier to get through with your spouse than divorce is on your own. That’s why God gave us marriage, to help and love one another.

God Bless,

Cody